Dreams (02)
My Dreams page was getting a little long, so here's another page of them!
AFFOGATO
They were aliens
and our food astonished them.
Particularly affogato.
JOHN TRAVOLTA
He was Saturday Night Fever era John,
playing an undercover cop
at a disco themed magic show
where he was hypnotised
into becoming a killer.
FANCY DRESS
It was the revolution
So we were in fancy dress
And the carnivorous vegetables
Couldn’t chase us if we shut our eyes.
CANINE CARS
Our cars were also dogs that affectionately
nosed their bumpers into the backs of our legs.
TRAINEE SPY
I dreamed I was a trainee spy,
Who was in love with her mentor.
They wouldn’t let me partner with her,
So I had to take the wisecracking guy instead -
Which was a bit of a let down.
They were aliens
and our food astonished them.
Particularly affogato.
JOHN TRAVOLTA
He was Saturday Night Fever era John,
playing an undercover cop
at a disco themed magic show
where he was hypnotised
into becoming a killer.
FANCY DRESS
It was the revolution
So we were in fancy dress
And the carnivorous vegetables
Couldn’t chase us if we shut our eyes.
CANINE CARS
Our cars were also dogs that affectionately
nosed their bumpers into the backs of our legs.
TRAINEE SPY
I dreamed I was a trainee spy,
Who was in love with her mentor.
They wouldn’t let me partner with her,
So I had to take the wisecracking guy instead -
Which was a bit of a let down.
MURDEROUS PROFESSOR
I was a professor,
who killed one of my fellows,
for as a result
of his bad financial advice
I could not now afford to retire.
Another professor
knew I had killed him
and so we played
a game of cat and mouse,
where I knew that she knew
that I knew that she knew.
THE AMBASSADORS
I was the ambassador
Having a gay affair
With another ambassador
In the 19th century.
I had grown children
From my loveless marriage
Who worried about me,
While the homophobes roamed the streets
And the unnamed country
Was on the brink of a disaster
That I and my ambassador lover
Fretted about, helplessly.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL
Everyone had joined the Jake Gyllenhaal gym.
It was really very good.
But my friends were snowed under
With invitations to gym-related events.
How could they tell Jon Bon Jovi no?
I told them to make no the default,
To only say yes
When they were really excited to go.
Jon Bon Jovi didn’t make the cut.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL AGAIN
Another dream of Jake and his gym.
I floated around him
(literally, I could float through the air
Like it was water, though I could not fly).
I was trying to get his attention
But he was too busy training to notice me.
THREE SISTERS
They were hostile people
From a hostile land.
I told them I’d sent for my sister,
That she would protect me.
I was one of three siblings, you see.
I was the blue one and the weakest,
She was stronger and red.
But it was our eldest, our golden sister
Who scared them the best.
FISHY POCKETS
It was a perfectly ordinary walk
Except for the tropical fish
Swimming in my pockets.
GUEST ROOM DREAMS
When visiting friends I dreamed
That I took their dog - Cali - for a walk
And she and I discovered a secret dog park,
Which Cali was very excited about.
But i was more excited
By the secret city beyond the park,
Full of artists and writers and musicians
And dogs and mysteries and -
Oh - something sinister was going on!
The artists and writers and musicians
Were not what they seemed.
And only the dogs could be trusted.
TWINKLE
You were much quicker than me
And you stole my stars.
Twinkle, twinkle.
MONARCHIST
I dreamed that she’d turned into a monarchist
And also she denied the end of our friendship
So I flipped her off and she was offended.
THE QUEEN'S PLANE
Our plane needed to take off in a hurry
Because the Queen’s plane was coming,
But the whole plane had to wait for me
Or rather for my dog, who had to poop.
MICK JAGGER AND THE WHO
“Ok, the TV technology isn’t working,”
Mick Jagger told Roger Daltry.
“You can either play it acoustically,
Or have me join you and harmonise.”
They chose the latter and The Who
Danced around the room
Like toddlers at a birthday party,
While Mick looked on with a sly smile.
ELTON JOHN
Elton John’s money had gone missing
And someone had been stealing
The payments for his phone bill -
Which was a problem because
He needed his phone for his side hustle.
I was on the case,
But first I needed to turn the TV off.
It was keeping my husband awake.
ANOTHER DREAM OF MY FORMER FRIEND
She was hugging me in sympathy
And it took all my willpower to pull away.
“But I’m still angry with you,” I wailed.
She wouldn’t accept that and walked away.
ANOTHER WEIRD TOILET DREAM
This was one of my weird toilet dreams
(I have them when in real life I need to pee).
I was in a house that I shouldn’t be,
Trying to clean hair dye from the toilet seat.
CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES
We were in a large hall, waiting
to go in for the service and I was
queueing as others bought scones
and jam and clotted cream
and delicate glass cups of apple tea.
“How much are the chocolate truffles?”
I asked when it was my turn.
“$19 a piece.”
“Oh no - they’re much too rich for me.”
EVIL KING
Last night I dreamed
They kept changing colours
But had to be returned to the evil king
Or else he wouldn’t end winter.
MONSTER
In my dream he once happily chose
To work remotely with his teacher parents.
But now he doesn’t speak to them.
He’s learned that his beloved father
Is a monster.
ACCENT
I dreamed I went back to the UK,
(Just for a little while, to take care of some things)
And I was excited to get my accent back again.
But oh boy - we Brits do love to complain!
But then I returned to the USA -
Where I was behind in my studies -
So in order to catch up, I stayed up late
Into the night, watching old movies.
I DREAMED
Last night I dreamed
That I was a little old lady freedom fighter.
THE JONAS BROTHERS
I dreamed that I was kidnapped
By the Jonas Brothers
(Who were playing golf)
And they danced for me -
But then I mocked them mercilessly
For their rubbish golf game.
Ellen was their evil mastermind,
But when the bullets started to fly
I escaped and fled through
The canyons of New York
To a house in Central Park
That overlooked the sea.
THE GOLDEN ONES
You were the golden ones who had it all.
We could see you, but not touch you,
For you were on the other side
Of a glass wall that divided us -
Rich from poor.
Beat down, trodden down, we envied you -
Admired you and your pride.
But turns out, your life wasn’t so golden,
You too struggled to survive.
You were one step away
From being killed while the crowd
Obliviously cheered the killers on.
Turns out, no matter which side
Of the glass wall we were on,
My dream was pretty nihilistic.
THE VICTORY
And I’d won, I’d finally won -
At tennis, or life, it wasn’t clear which -
And the crowd cheered
(For in my dream I was popular).
But when I went to get my medal,
I stood on the podium,
Looking around at the crowd
And feared the arrow
That was surely coming for me.
TOOTH FAIRY
I was the tooth fairy, carrying a sack
Of autumnal coloured teeth
And I insisted that you admit
Your shiny new gnashers
Weren’t your own,
But ones that I’d grown
In the lab, unnaturally.
A PISTOL IN MY BRA
There was egg in my hair
And a pistol in my bra
And I was both vengeful
And dangerous,
Looking for trouble.
I didn’t have to look far.
SCUBA DIVER
I was a claustrophobic
Scuba diver in an
Underwater cave,
Soothing my fears
By eating really good bread.
CHARLIE SHEEN
I was with my friends
And Charlie Sheen.
I was making lunch
But Charlie said
That it was too soon -
So we all went home
And went to bed for two days.
ELLE KING'S BAND
I was the drummer
In Elle King’s band.
(She said I wasn’t too bad)
And I loved to hear her sing.
TRAINEE SPY RETURNS
I’d graduated from spy school
And returned to my family
For the holidays.
Whilst I’d been away, our house
Had changed from red brick
To blue clapboard
And was now crammed into
A city street, surrounded by
Skyscrapers.
At dinner, everyone
Wanted to know what
Spy school was like.
I spent the party talking
To the aunt who’d loved me
When I was young
And encouraged me to be myself.
I wished I could take off my shoes
As I tried to fix her umbrella.
THE CREPERIE
Can I have a new fork?
I asked at the creperie.
This one isn’t clean.
It’s fine, she said (dismissively).
You can pick the egg off it.
No, really, I insisted. I want one that’s clean.
The spy sitting next to me
Chortled delightedly
As he ran off to make his report
(That the creperie
Wasn’t very good
And would surely fail).
Then the staff and I
Breathed a sigh of relief
And exchanged wry smiles.
I was a professor,
who killed one of my fellows,
for as a result
of his bad financial advice
I could not now afford to retire.
Another professor
knew I had killed him
and so we played
a game of cat and mouse,
where I knew that she knew
that I knew that she knew.
THE AMBASSADORS
I was the ambassador
Having a gay affair
With another ambassador
In the 19th century.
I had grown children
From my loveless marriage
Who worried about me,
While the homophobes roamed the streets
And the unnamed country
Was on the brink of a disaster
That I and my ambassador lover
Fretted about, helplessly.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL
Everyone had joined the Jake Gyllenhaal gym.
It was really very good.
But my friends were snowed under
With invitations to gym-related events.
How could they tell Jon Bon Jovi no?
I told them to make no the default,
To only say yes
When they were really excited to go.
Jon Bon Jovi didn’t make the cut.
JAKE GYLLENHAAL AGAIN
Another dream of Jake and his gym.
I floated around him
(literally, I could float through the air
Like it was water, though I could not fly).
I was trying to get his attention
But he was too busy training to notice me.
THREE SISTERS
They were hostile people
From a hostile land.
I told them I’d sent for my sister,
That she would protect me.
I was one of three siblings, you see.
I was the blue one and the weakest,
She was stronger and red.
But it was our eldest, our golden sister
Who scared them the best.
FISHY POCKETS
It was a perfectly ordinary walk
Except for the tropical fish
Swimming in my pockets.
GUEST ROOM DREAMS
When visiting friends I dreamed
That I took their dog - Cali - for a walk
And she and I discovered a secret dog park,
Which Cali was very excited about.
But i was more excited
By the secret city beyond the park,
Full of artists and writers and musicians
And dogs and mysteries and -
Oh - something sinister was going on!
The artists and writers and musicians
Were not what they seemed.
And only the dogs could be trusted.
TWINKLE
You were much quicker than me
And you stole my stars.
Twinkle, twinkle.
MONARCHIST
I dreamed that she’d turned into a monarchist
And also she denied the end of our friendship
So I flipped her off and she was offended.
THE QUEEN'S PLANE
Our plane needed to take off in a hurry
Because the Queen’s plane was coming,
But the whole plane had to wait for me
Or rather for my dog, who had to poop.
MICK JAGGER AND THE WHO
“Ok, the TV technology isn’t working,”
Mick Jagger told Roger Daltry.
“You can either play it acoustically,
Or have me join you and harmonise.”
They chose the latter and The Who
Danced around the room
Like toddlers at a birthday party,
While Mick looked on with a sly smile.
ELTON JOHN
Elton John’s money had gone missing
And someone had been stealing
The payments for his phone bill -
Which was a problem because
He needed his phone for his side hustle.
I was on the case,
But first I needed to turn the TV off.
It was keeping my husband awake.
ANOTHER DREAM OF MY FORMER FRIEND
She was hugging me in sympathy
And it took all my willpower to pull away.
“But I’m still angry with you,” I wailed.
She wouldn’t accept that and walked away.
ANOTHER WEIRD TOILET DREAM
This was one of my weird toilet dreams
(I have them when in real life I need to pee).
I was in a house that I shouldn’t be,
Trying to clean hair dye from the toilet seat.
CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES
We were in a large hall, waiting
to go in for the service and I was
queueing as others bought scones
and jam and clotted cream
and delicate glass cups of apple tea.
“How much are the chocolate truffles?”
I asked when it was my turn.
“$19 a piece.”
“Oh no - they’re much too rich for me.”
EVIL KING
Last night I dreamed
They kept changing colours
But had to be returned to the evil king
Or else he wouldn’t end winter.
MONSTER
In my dream he once happily chose
To work remotely with his teacher parents.
But now he doesn’t speak to them.
He’s learned that his beloved father
Is a monster.
ACCENT
I dreamed I went back to the UK,
(Just for a little while, to take care of some things)
And I was excited to get my accent back again.
But oh boy - we Brits do love to complain!
But then I returned to the USA -
Where I was behind in my studies -
So in order to catch up, I stayed up late
Into the night, watching old movies.
I DREAMED
Last night I dreamed
That I was a little old lady freedom fighter.
THE JONAS BROTHERS
I dreamed that I was kidnapped
By the Jonas Brothers
(Who were playing golf)
And they danced for me -
But then I mocked them mercilessly
For their rubbish golf game.
Ellen was their evil mastermind,
But when the bullets started to fly
I escaped and fled through
The canyons of New York
To a house in Central Park
That overlooked the sea.
THE GOLDEN ONES
You were the golden ones who had it all.
We could see you, but not touch you,
For you were on the other side
Of a glass wall that divided us -
Rich from poor.
Beat down, trodden down, we envied you -
Admired you and your pride.
But turns out, your life wasn’t so golden,
You too struggled to survive.
You were one step away
From being killed while the crowd
Obliviously cheered the killers on.
Turns out, no matter which side
Of the glass wall we were on,
My dream was pretty nihilistic.
THE VICTORY
And I’d won, I’d finally won -
At tennis, or life, it wasn’t clear which -
And the crowd cheered
(For in my dream I was popular).
But when I went to get my medal,
I stood on the podium,
Looking around at the crowd
And feared the arrow
That was surely coming for me.
TOOTH FAIRY
I was the tooth fairy, carrying a sack
Of autumnal coloured teeth
And I insisted that you admit
Your shiny new gnashers
Weren’t your own,
But ones that I’d grown
In the lab, unnaturally.
A PISTOL IN MY BRA
There was egg in my hair
And a pistol in my bra
And I was both vengeful
And dangerous,
Looking for trouble.
I didn’t have to look far.
SCUBA DIVER
I was a claustrophobic
Scuba diver in an
Underwater cave,
Soothing my fears
By eating really good bread.
CHARLIE SHEEN
I was with my friends
And Charlie Sheen.
I was making lunch
But Charlie said
That it was too soon -
So we all went home
And went to bed for two days.
ELLE KING'S BAND
I was the drummer
In Elle King’s band.
(She said I wasn’t too bad)
And I loved to hear her sing.
TRAINEE SPY RETURNS
I’d graduated from spy school
And returned to my family
For the holidays.
Whilst I’d been away, our house
Had changed from red brick
To blue clapboard
And was now crammed into
A city street, surrounded by
Skyscrapers.
At dinner, everyone
Wanted to know what
Spy school was like.
I spent the party talking
To the aunt who’d loved me
When I was young
And encouraged me to be myself.
I wished I could take off my shoes
As I tried to fix her umbrella.
THE CREPERIE
Can I have a new fork?
I asked at the creperie.
This one isn’t clean.
It’s fine, she said (dismissively).
You can pick the egg off it.
No, really, I insisted. I want one that’s clean.
The spy sitting next to me
Chortled delightedly
As he ran off to make his report
(That the creperie
Wasn’t very good
And would surely fail).
Then the staff and I
Breathed a sigh of relief
And exchanged wry smiles.