Stage 1: The Loss Itself
She said to me...
I never thought it would come to this,
That I would ever get so confused or so old,
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
Oh how I can stand this loneliness?
I was always timid, never bold.
I never thought it would come to this,
To be left in the care of the careless –
But I don’t blame them for the cold.
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
It’s a dark night tonight - so starless
That I think my death is there foretold.
I never thought it would come to this.
And when you leave me, I am voiceless,
Living my greatest fear, never told –
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
So will you visit me still, when I am lifeless,
Separated from you by death’s threshold?
I never thought it would come to this –
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
She said to me...
I never thought it would come to this,
That I would ever get so confused or so old,
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
Oh how I can stand this loneliness?
I was always timid, never bold.
I never thought it would come to this,
To be left in the care of the careless –
But I don’t blame them for the cold.
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
It’s a dark night tonight - so starless
That I think my death is there foretold.
I never thought it would come to this.
And when you leave me, I am voiceless,
Living my greatest fear, never told –
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
So will you visit me still, when I am lifeless,
Separated from you by death’s threshold?
I never thought it would come to this –
Dying amongst strangers; homeless.
Seashore
This seashore is littered with death,
Discarded shells bereft of flesh.
My footsteps are washed by the tide
As the wind blows and the seagull cries.
The phone call comes and I'm not surprised
To see no tears in my mother’s eyes.
I've nothing to say to her; no words are left.
There is only the loss itself.
Fair-weather friend (Part 1)
Fair-weather friend, why did you leave?
When you were bereft only I stayed true,
Only I stayed with you in the storm-dark deep,
Did you think that was easy for me?
To brave your storms, to hold fast to you?
Fair-weather friend, why did you leave?
Winter comes, with dark skies and swollen seas,
And as you needed me, now I need you
To stay with me in the storm-dark deep -
But you’re too busy to help me,
Building sandcastles for any fool.
Fair-weather friend, why did you leave?
I was your rock when you needed me,
But you are as fickle as a tidal pool,
Leaving me stranded in the storm-dark deep.
Down here there are no stars by which to see,
And the sea is deserted, but for this lonely fool.
Fair-weather friend, why did you leave?
You have left me alone in the storm-dark deep.
The Vigil (Part 1)
Headlights trailing across my bedroom wall;
A drunk man wails in mournful caterwauls;
A dog barks as the drunk staggers home;
The hours pass in the light from my phone.
Beside me lies my lifelong lover -
This man is an accomplished, snoring thief -
He lies content beneath our covers,
He is wrapped up in my stolen sleep.
I lie here, restless, fretful with anxiety,
Alone with my thoughts that are deep and blue.
And I think that you don’t really love me,
And I think that I should not love you.